Mister Farnsworth vs the Alien Demons of Egypt
A Fantastical Feline Adventure


Never Trust a Cat Person
From the moment he first met her, Dylan knew that Hannah was too good for him. She was brilliant, successful and soon to grace the covers of magazines for wealthy entrepreneurs. Dylan, on the other hand, had a masters degree in ancient languages and about twenty bucks in his pocket. But when Hannah invites him to her mansion for dinner with the mysterious Mister Farnsworth – who turns out to be her cat – Dylan soon learns that all is not right with the world and perhaps that ancient languages degree of his may not go to waste after all . . .
Story Behind The Story
I’m convinced my cat wants a butler. I mean, sure, all cats probably want butlers. Some of them seem convinced they’ve already got a butler – just not very good ones. My cat, however, shows every sign of knowing exactly what he requires in a butler: someone to stand inside his cat door all day, waiting for him to return with a warm, dry towel to wipe away any damp, dust, or other detritus he accumulates on his trips to the neighbour’s yard. He also wants someone to listen to him recount those adventures while periodically interjecting with, ‘Yes, sir, very good, sir’ and the occasional, ‘My goodness gracious, did that scoundrel feline really defy you in such a bold manner? The cheek of it!’ Anyway, it was on a day in which I’d done rather a lot of cat butlering and was becoming somewhat irritate at the constant demands – and expectations – coming from one of our cats. Since no viable mechanism has ever been devised to punish a cat (only to demonstrate your own propensity for wasted efforts because it’s not like the cat’s ever going to change), I turned to my traditional means of revenge against those who’ve thwarted me in life: writing a story.
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Les vieux maîtres de sort aiment raconter que la magie a un goût. Les sorts de braise ressemblent à une épice qui vous brûle le bout de la langue. La magie du souf e est subtile, presque rafraîchissante, un peu comme si vous teniez une feuille de menthe entre vos lèvres. Le sable, la soie, le sang, le fer… cha- cune de ces magies a son parfum. Un véritable adepte, autre- ment dit un mage capable de jeter un sort même à l’extérieur d’une oasis, les connaît tous.
'I totally saw this coming,’ Reichis growled, leaping onto my shoulder as lightning scorched the sand barely ten feet from us. The squirrel cat’s claws pierced my sweat-soaked shirt and dug into my skin.
The way of the Argosi is the way of water. Water never seeks to block another’s path, nor does it permit impediments to its own. It moves freely, slipping past those who would capture it, taking nothing that belongs to others. To forget this is to stray from the path, for despite the rumours one sometimes hears, an Argosi never, ever steals.